Cant you tell from seeing it?
BANNAL. I can see it all right enough; but how am I to know how to
take it? Is it serious, or is it spoof? If the author knows what his
play is, let him tell us what it is. If he doesnt, he cant complain
if I dont know either. _I_'m not the author.
THE COUNT. But is it a good play, Mr Bannal? Thats a simple
question.
BANNAL. Simple enough when you know. If it's by a good author, it's
a good play, naturally. That stands to reason. Who is the author?
Tell me that; and I'll place the play for you to a hair's breadth.
THE COUNT. I'm sorry I'm not at liberty to divulge the author's name.
The author desires that the play should be judged on its merits.
BANNAL. But what merits can it have except the author's merits? Who
would you say it's by, Gunn?
GUNN. Well, who do you think? Here you have a rotten old-fashioned
domestic melodrama acted by the usual stage puppets. The hero's a
naval lieutenant. All melodramatic heroes are naval lieutenants. The
heroine gets into trouble by defying the law (if she didnt get into
trouble, thered be no drama) and plays for sympathy all the time as
hard as she can. Her good old pious mother turns on her cruel father
when hes going to put her out of the house, and says she'll go too.
Then theres the comic relief: the comic shopkeeper, the comic
shopkeeper's wife, the comic footman who turns out to be a duke in
disguise, and the young scapegrace who gives the author his excuse for
dragging in a fast young woman.
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