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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Fanny's First Play"


MRS GILBEY. I never did. The things people do! I cant understand
them. Bobby never told me he was keeping company with you. His own
mother!
DORA. [overcome] Excuse me: I cant help smiling.
_Juggins enters._
JUGGINS. Mr Gilbey has gone to Wormwood Scrubbs, madam.
MRS GILBEY. Have you ever been in a police court, Juggins?
JUGGINS. Yes, madam.
MRS GILBEY [rather shocked] I hope you had not been exceeding,
Juggins.
JUGGINS. Yes, madam, I had. I exceeded the legal limit.
MRS GILBEY. Oh, that! Why do they give a woman a fortnight for
wearing a man's hat, and a man a month for wearing hers?
JUGGINS. I didnt know that they did, madam.
MRS GILBEY. It doesnt seem justice, does it, Juggins?
JUGGINS. No, madam.
MRS GILBEY [to Dora, rising] Well, good-bye. [Shaking her hand]
So pleased to have made your acquaintance.
DORA. [standing up] Dont mention it. I'm sure it's most kind of
you to receive me at all.
MRS GILBEY. I must go off now and order lunch. [She trots to the
door]. What was it you called the concertina?
DORA. A squiffer, dear.
MRS GILBEY. [thoughtfully] A squiffer, of course. How funny!
[She goes out].
DORA. [exploding into ecstasies of mirth] Oh my! isnt she an old
love? How do you keep your face straight?
JUGGINS. It is what I am paid for.
DORA. [confidentially] Listen here, dear boy. Your name isnt
Juggins. Nobody's name is Juggins.


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