I have broken Judith's heart. I will
expiate the crime I have committed.
Expiate the crime! The realisation of the meaning of the words
covers me with shame. As if what I propose will be a sorry
penance! That is the danger of a man thinking, as I have always
done, in metaphors. It has given me my loose, indirect views of
life, of myself, of those around me. If I had advice to offer to
a young man, I should say: "Learn to think straight." Expiate,
indeed! I will go to her and make confession. I will tell her
that awful loneliness is crushing my soul. I will kneel before
her and beseech her of her great woman's goodness to give me her
love again, and to be my helpmeet and my companion who will be
cherished with all that there is of loyalty in me to her life's
end. She will pity me a little, for I have suffered, and I will
pity her tenderly, in deep sincerity, and our life together will
be based on that all-understanding which signifies all-
forgiveness. And it shall be a real life together. I used to
smile, in a superior way, at her dread of solitude.
Pages:
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332