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Hayward, Rachel

"The Hippodrome"

I have never said so to anyone else, but
there is always the feeling of being watched. It is so difficult to
know who is for and who against us, and so easy to give evidence
without meaning to be a traitor. Just before I got ill, Sobrenski sent
me to a little newspaper shop down in the Parelelo quarter. I was to
ask if they sold '_Le Flambeau_.' The man looked at me hard and asked
if there was any connection between that journal and the one published
at number 27 Calle de Pescadores. The sun must have made me feel
stupid, and I answered _Yes_, without thinking. I had taken it for
granted that the man was one of us, and then I knew suddenly that he
wasn't."
Vardri bent forward across the table. "Did you tell anyone what you
had said?"
"Not Sobrenski; I told Emile. He looked me up and down, and said
something that I couldn't hear, and then, 'I thought you could hold
your tongue, Fatalite. It seems, after all, you are a woman and
can't!' and then he walked out of the room. Vardri, did you ever feel
as I do when you first began to work for the Cause? Perhaps one gets
used to it in the end and doesn't care.


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