Now
I laugh no longer. I used to say, 'If anyone loves let him love; I
shall never love any one.' Fate said, 'Wait, you will see by and by.'
In trying to seize the robber of other's wealth, I have lost my own
heart. What a face! what a neck! what a figure! is there another man
like him? That the fellow should tell _me_ to bring Kunda to him!
Could he set no one else this task? I could have struck him in the
face! I have come to love him so dearly, I could even find pleasure in
striking him. But let that pass. In that path there is danger; I must
not think of it. I have long ceased to look for joy or sorrow in this
life. Nevertheless, I cannot give Kunda into Debendra's hand; the
thought of it torments me. Rather I will so manage that she shall not
fall in his way. How shall I effect that? I will place Kunda where she
was before, thus she will escape him. Whether he dress as _Boisnavi_
or _Vasudeva_,[12] he will not obtain admission into that house;
therefore it will be well to take Kunda back there. But she will not
go! Her face is set against the house. But if all coax her she must
go. Another design I have in my mind; will God permit me to carry it
out? Why am I so angry with Surja Mukhi? She never did me any harm; on
the contrary, she loves me and is kind to me.
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