Well! I think I
could do even more than that, for Laura's sake.
2nd.--On looking back, I find myself always referring to Sir
Percival in disparaging terms. In the turn affairs have now
taken. I must and will root out my prejudice against him, I
cannot think how it first got into my mind. It certainly never
existed in former times.
Is it Laura's reluctance to become his wife that has set me
against him? Have Hartright's perfectly intelligible prejudices
infected me without my suspecting their influence? Does that
letter of Anne Catherick's still leave a lurking distrust in my
mind, in spite of Sir Percival's explanation, and of the proof in
my possession of the truth of it? I cannot account for the state
of my own feelings; the one thing I am certain of is, that it is
my duty--doubly my duty now--not to wrong Sir Percival by unjustly
distrusting him. If it has got to be a habit with me always to
write of him in the same unfavourable manner, I must and will
break myself of this unworthy tendency, even though the effort
should force me to close the pages of my journal till the marriage
is over! I am seriously dissatisfied with myself--I will write no
more to-day.
December 16th.
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