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Bain, George W.

"Wit, Humor, Reason, Rhetoric, Prose, Poetry and Story Woven into Eight Popular Lectures"

Judge
Price, the police judge at the time, said to me: "There are a number
of men, and several women I know in this city, who pass through the
courtroom on their way to the workhouse so regularly, I can guess
within a few days of the time they will appear." They pass like
buckets at a fire, going up full and returning empty.
There is an asylum in this country where, I am told, they test a man's
insanity in this way. They have a trough which holds one hundred
gallons of water. Above is an open tap through which the water pours
constantly, and of course the trough keeps on running over. The
patient is brought to the trough, given a bucket and told to dip out
the water. If he dips all day and has not mind enough to turn off the
tap, he is considered a very serious case. If this test were put to
our license lawmakers, I fear they would have to go to the incurable
ward. They have for many years been picking up drunkards from the
gutters and opening taps for them to keep on pouring into the streets.
Under this system the saloon keepers are playing ten-pins. You know in
playing ten-pins there is a long alley, at one end of which stand the
pins, while at the other stands the player with a ball in his hand. He
rolls the ball down the alley and knocks down the pins. Some one sets
them up, and to that some one, who is often a boy, the player will
toss a dime and say: "set them up quick.


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