"
"I do not use whiskey of any kind," said the judge.
"Ye don't. Thin I don't think ye are doin' yer duty by such
constituents as meself. Ye license men to sell the stuff; ye ought to
taste the stuff ye license men to sell, thin ye would know how it
makes a gintlemen behave himself."
The judge rapped for order in the court and repeated the question,
"Are you guilty or innocent of the charge?"
"Judge, I'll state the case and let yer honor decide for me, which ye
are hired to do anyway. I was standin' by the corner of the strate on
me way home from work, when I spied the bottles in the window of the
saloon. The sight of thim bottles made me thirsty, so I wint in and
took a drink. Jist thin three other thirsty ones came in and I took a
drink with thim; thin they took a drink with me and we kept on
drinkin' till we thought we were back in auld Ireland at Donnybrook
Fair. Whenever we saw a head we struck it and I suppose this
gintlemin's head came my way. Now here's the case, judge. If I hadn't
taken the whiskey, I wouldn't a been in the row, for I'm always
paceable whin sober; if the saloon hadn't been there I wouldn't have
taken the whiskey; and if the Court hadn't licensed the saloon it
wouldn't have been there. Ye can take the case, sir."
What makes the drunkard? The drink. What supplies the drink? The
saloon. What makes the saloon? The law.
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