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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Erotic Symbolism; The Mechanism of Detumescence; The Psychic State in Pregnancy"

A., as I expected, went through
her usual fits, and slowly recovered. (If we had connection only
once she in about three weeks had a mild attack of fits; if we
had coition more than once the fits were more severe.) I relapsed
more than once and as a means of impressing my resolution for
future abstinence I would walk for miles in the middle of
pitch-black nights....
Miss T. came over to Adelaide and as I knew nothing definite
against her and heard that she was engaged, I thought perhaps my
suspicions were unfounded and was friendly. But one day in town I
saw her and A. on a tram going out to our cottage. Even then my
suspicions might not have been awakened, but I saw Miss T. say
something rapidly to A., and A. called out to me, "Will you be
coming home soon?" And I answered "No." When the tram had gone on
I found myself vaguely wondering what Miss T. wanted to know that
for, for my perceptions were becoming acute enough to understand
women's ways. In another minute I was walking rapidly home. When
I came to the door it was locked. I knocked and knocked and no
one came. I called out and threatened to kick in the door. Still
no one came.


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