This was particularly
painful to me, as my thoughts were not of a lustful or impure
character. Sometimes sitting by her at a religious service this
would occur, when certainly my mind was far away from anything of
the kind. That was the first woman ever kissed by me, except of
course members of my immediate family circle. Later on my
thoughts turned to marriage, and there was a great longing at
times for this event to take place. However, as this attachment
afterward became the great sorrow of my life for years, it needs
no more comment. This closes one chapter of my history, and at
present I do not propose to add another, as in a great measure it
is only partly written. It may be well here to state that there
has never been in me the slightest homosexual desire; in fact it
has always appeared as a thing utterly inconceivable and
disgustingly loathsome. I am fond of the society of both men and
women, but on the whole prefer the latter. I have had several
warm and intimate though platonic friendships, and get on
exceedingly well with the other sex, although not a good-looking
man. I have always been attracted to women by their spiritual or
mental qualities, rather than by physical beauty, and feel
strongly that the latter alone would never cause me to desire
coitus.
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