It is simply impossible for me to write a history of my
sexual development without also describing the action which
Christianity has had in determining its growth. The two have been
so intimately bound together that my life history would not be a
faithful record of facts if I left religion out of it.
At school I took part, with great keenness, in cricket and
foot-ball, and was very ambitious to excel in everything in which
I took an interest, but I always had other tastes as well, which
were more precious to me, for example, the love for science,
history, and poetry. Until I was past 16 years my desire was
simply for coitus, girls and women attracted me only as affording
the means of gratifying this desire; but when I was nearly 17 I
began to regard girls as beautiful objects, apart from this, and
to desire their love and companionship. At the same time it
dawned upon me that life held much of joy in the love of women
and in domestic life--so henceforth I regarded them in a higher
and purer light, and apart from sexual gratification. In fact,
from this period till I was over 20, this idea so dominated my
whole being that the lower side of my nature was entirely held in
subjection and abeyance by it.
Pages:
505
506
507
508
509
510
511
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529