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Ellis, Havelock, 1859-1939

"Erotic Symbolism; The Mechanism of Detumescence; The Psychic State in Pregnancy"

Knowing my own condition, I was yet so
blind to it most of the time, and such a Jekyll-and-Hyde, that I
actually pitied a boy of 19 who was an eccentric and a scared
victim of masturbation. But in spite of my neuropathic condition
I developed intellectually. I do not touch upon this aspect of my
life, however, because I am trying to limit myself strictly to
sexual manifestations. At the present time I have not the courage
to continue the narrative.

HISTORY III.--The following narrative is written by a clergyman,
age 40, unmarried:--
My childhood and early boyhood were unmarked by sexual phenomena,
beyond occasional erections, which commenced when about 5 years
of age, without any exciting causes. These were accompanied by
some degree of excitement, of the same nature as that which I
experienced in later years. I was absolutely ignorant of sexual
matters, but always had an idea that the essential difference
between man and woman was to be found in the genital organs. This
was sometimes a matter for thought and curiosity.
Being for many years an only child I saw little of other
children, and formed the habit of amusing myself with making
things--boats, houses, etc.


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