She giggled with pleasure.
That summer I began to experience the evil effects of the
masturbation which I had practiced daily for a year and a half.
Pimples began to break out on my chin (my complexion up to this
time had been white and delicate). The family ascribed my
condition to digestive difficulties. In playing with the boys and
girls I found myself seized with a terrible shyness and a
tendency to look down and weep. I had lost all the courage I
had--it had never been great--in the presence of a crowd of
children. I was fairly at ease with a single companion. My
self-consciousness was something more painful to me than I can
convey in words. At home I wept in my room and cursed myself for
a baby. I little realized the cause of my nervous collapse. Yet I
had too robust a frame not to be able to sleep and to play hard.
The sympathetic pleasure which I had found in swinging my
girl-cousin to and fro I now doubled by letting a 7-year-old boy
ride cock-horse on my feet. I experienced an erection during the
process, and I almost induced ejaculation when I tickled the boy
with my feet in the region of his genitals. To see his shrinking,
giggling joy gave me an exquisite sexual thrill.
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