The part played by things
sexual in my life is still, I suppose, abnormally large; it is
undoubtedly the largest single interest, though my outer life is
determined almost wholly by other considerations.
Of course I know nothing of the effect which long-continued
masturbation may have had on my ability to perform normal coitus.
I do not think I am subject to any kind of sexual perversion, for
all my indulgence has been _faute de mieux_ and, at least since I
began masturbation, all my desires and erotic day-dreams have had
to do only with normal coitus. The mystery which surrounds the
sexual act seems at times to be regaining its former influence
and power of fascination. I have no doubt, however, but that I
should be greatly disillusioned should I ever perform coitus; and
I greatly regret that I have not been able to test this
conviction and so round out and complete this "history."
It may be worth while to say a word about my religious
experiences, as, in many cases, they are closely bound up with
the sexual impulse. I was never "converted," but on a dozen or
more occasions approached the crisis more or less closely. The
dominant emotion in these experiences was always fear, sometimes
with anger and despair intermixed in varying proportions.
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