" Judging from my own experience and observation I should
say that "ideal love" is a mere surface feeling, bound to
disappear as soon as it has gained its object by arousing a
reciprocal interest on the part of the one to whom it is
directed. So little did I "materialize" the objects of my "love"
that I have never cared for kissing or the warm embraces in which
lovers usually indulge. I have never kissed but one girl, and her
with far too little enthusiasm to satisfy her. My last sweetheart
was a very passionate girl, the warmth of whose embraces was
somewhat torrid and, to me, both puzzling and annoying. The
intensity of feeling which demanded such strenuous expression was
beyond my knowledge of human nature. A somewhat peculiar
circumstance in connection with these experiences is the fact
that I often found myself trying to analyze my emotions with a
purely psychological interest while playing the part of the
intoxicated lover in his mistress's arms.
There is but little left to say on the subject of my sexual
development. During the last two or three years my knowledge of
the facts of the sexual life has been very greatly increased,
and I have become acquainted with phases of human nature which
were wholly unknown to me before.
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