I often excited, myself by imagining myself playing the
part of the female animal--a peculiar combination of passive
pederasty and bestiality. A servant girl put me to right on the
error of observation just mentioned, but neglected to apply the
principle to human animals, and I remained for another year in
complete ignorance of the structure of woman's sexual organs and
of the intercourse between man and woman. In the meantime I
cultivated my fancies of intercourse with animals, often still
perversely imagining myself taking the part of the female; and
the notion of such relationships gradually became so familiar as
to seem possible and desirable. This is especially significant in
view of later developments.
Up to my eleventh or twelfth year the erotic element in my
daydreaming varied with the seasons. In the summer it played a
dominant part, while in the winter it was almost entirely absent,
owing, it may be, to the fact that most of my time was spent
indoors or on long, tiresome tramps to and from school, and the
further fact that during the winter I saw but little of the
animals which had acted as a stimulus to sexual excitement.
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