And in winter I have
been irresistibly impelled to return to the same spots, as if it
were sanctified by the boys, but my darlings had vanished and
cold winds blew over the icy floods, so that I would return
feeling as though I had buried all my happiness.
"It must be borne in mind, therefore, that what I have to say
regarding my sexual impulses only refers to fancies and never to
their practical realization. My sensual impulses are not
connected with the sexual organs; all my voluptuous ideas are not
in the least connected with these parts. For this reason I have
never practiced onanism and _immissio membri in anum_ is as
repulsive to me as to a normal man. Even every imitation of
coitus is, for me, without attraction. In a boy's body two things
specially excite me: _his belly and his nates_, the first as
containing the digestive tract, the second as holding the opening
of the bowels. Of the vegetable processes of life in the boy none
interest me nearly so much as the progress of his digestion and
the process of defecation. It is incredible to what an extent
this part of physiology has occupied me from youth. If as a boy I
wanted to read something of a piquantly exciting character I
sought in my father's encyclopaedia for articles like:
Obstruction, Constipation, Haemorrhoids, Faeces, etc.
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