"I can say with the Albanian: 'If I find myself in the presence
of the beloved, I rest absorbed in gazing on him. Absent, I think
of nought but him. If the beloved unexpectedly appears I fall
into confusion. My heart beats faster. I have eyes and ears only
for the beloved.'
"I feel that my capacity of affection is finer and more spiritual
than that which commonly subsists between persons of different
sexes. And so, while trying to fight my instincts by religion, I
find my natural feeling to be part of my religion, and its
highest expression. In this sense I can speak from experience in
my own case, and more especially in that of my brother, that what
you have said about philanthropic activity resulting from
repressed homosexuality is very true indeed. I can say with one
of your female cases: 'Love is to me a religion. The very nature
of my affection for my friends precludes the possibility of any
element entering into it which is not absolutely pure and
sacred.' I am, however, madly jealous. I want entire possession,
and I can't bear for a moment that any one I do not care for
should know the person I love.
"I am never attracted by men older than myself.
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